We're facebook friends in real life
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
