I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
