new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
