Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
