peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
