One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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