A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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