she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
