A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
bring money and cleavage
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
