Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
