This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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