I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
