you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
