I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
