I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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