that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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