Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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