I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
