she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
