Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
