I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
