Who did Billy Mays play for?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
