i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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