Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
