a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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