I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
