Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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