Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
