I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
