she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
