Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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