I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
