That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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