I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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