Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
