The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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