jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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