also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
