Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
