I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
