fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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