did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
