it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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