How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
