clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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