i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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