Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
