Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
