You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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