Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
