Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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