pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
and she was petting her beer can
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
