I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
