Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
