Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
