we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
