I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
