just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
