i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
