a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
